Monday, February 25, 2008

80 years later, a big yawn.

I was going to allow the Oscars to fade without dignifying them with remark (not because I disagree with the winners--I'm sure No Country for Old Men is as wonderful as Chris says it is, even if I personally don't think my stomach is ready for a viewing any time soon; but, rather, because I'm still offended by the obscene number of commercial breaks),

but this, THIS, cannot be allowed to pass without comment.

Now, I too despised J.Hud's be-pocketed, be-boleroed ensemble from last year, but when I saw this I yearned for its return. This dress makes her boobs look like a ... Mack truck. And I think the bare arms were also a mistake. I think she's BEAUTIFUL; I just don't think this dress is flattering. In general I feel empire waists should be reserved for the pregnant.

In further sartorial disagreements, the New York Times called Marion Cotillard's fish-scale mermaid gown a mistake, whereas I, on the contrary, thought it not only the loveliest dress of the night but the only one with any fashion gumption. Also, she was gorgeous, and gave an adorable speech; and I'm generally in favor of her because I had picked her on my office Oscar poll, which I will not, however, win because I did not predict that The Bourne Ultimatum would be so unexpectedly successful. Silly me.

All in all, a dull show with even duller dresses, but I will close by telling Katherine Heigl to go once and for all away; and if she insists on remaining inexplicably in the public eye can she never preface her Teleprompter reading with the disclaimer "I'm incredibly nervous so please forgive me," thereby making all one billion viewers intensely uncomfortable? You're an ACTOR. Public speaking is the one thing at which you, by definition, are required to be competent. Take a Toastmasters class or something.


The Other Lion said...

Okay. Is her bra pushing them APART? As for the fish dress, I think I have a texture/sensory issue that won't allow me to be a balanced judge. That being said, the shape of it is immaculate on her body. Maybe if just the top was like that? I don't know. The bottom just had a hotel bedspread feel to me.

Laura said...

I can see that, and I think your solution is a good one, too! All in all, though, there weren't a lot of exciting dresses. Discounting all the black and red ones, which blurred together, that left Jessica Alba's plum one--a perfectly nice maternity gown, but aside from the color, which I loved, it left me a little indifferent; Cameron Diaz's blush-colored one--interesting cut but the color was so boring!; and Cate Blanchett's, which, okay. I think she's a fashion genius. This dress was almost a winner, except the satin coupled with its slightly too-short length and the embroidery at the bottom made it look like something from Forever 21. I wish it had looked a little more expensive.

I really liked the bright green dress that Saoirse Ronan wore except I wish her mom or whoever hadn't scraped her hair off her face so tightly.

I'm writing this with a hat on at my desk to cover my bad hair day, so I don't really know why I think I get to spout off :)

Traci said...

I also loved Marion Cotillard's gown. Highly glamorous, flattering, lovely, and daring. Just what an Oscar ensemble should be. Everyone else just struck me as boring. There were some really beautiful gowns on some really beautiful women, but it looked like every other red carpet of every other year, didn't it? I will say, however, that Jennifer Garner's hair and makeup blew me away. Not perfect, but surprising and lovely.