Wednesday, July 8, 2009

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains."

Weddings make my brain explode. I was just reading about addressing and monogram etiquette. Apparently, having our return address spelled out as "Chris & Laura," which I did, was incorrect (as was having our names appear on the back of the envelope at all, according to some). Bride's name is supposed to come first. That means that on any favors, etc I have to put "Laura & Chris," which doesn't look nearly so nice in the font I'm using. In fact, it throws the ampresand off in a peculiar spacing way.* Meanwhile, also apparently the man's first name should never be separated from his surname. So does that mean writing "Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith" was wrong? You wouldn't put "Mrs. and Mr. Jane and John Smith." And I don't like "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" because that's eliminating the woman, for pete's sake.

I did have one invite where I didn't use Mr. and Mrs. because the couple each took each other's name so I wasn't sure if they would want Mr. and Mrs. Ironically, I guess that one is the most correctly addressed of them all: Jane and John Doe Smith.

I'm sure my one grandmother is going to have a cow about all of the above, but whatever.

*I mean, do I? Have to print it that way, I mean? OK to throw tradition to the wind? On the other hand, I don't want to break [any more] rules. I can't believe after a week of expending brain cells on stamps--seriously, the USPS saga is way too boring to write about, let's just say by the end of this week Chris and I will have between us a total of four visits to various Manhattan post offices--that now I'm worrying about whose name goes first. I can't wait to not think about this anymore.

Update. We didn't use an inner envelope, we didn't list our parents' names on the invitations, we didn't include a reception card: I think it's safe to say that etiquette can shove it, regardless of what I decide for any future paper products.


Karen said...

I think those etiquette rules were written in the 1950's so don't worry about it. Make your own way - those are the lessons of the 60's and on. Anything worth keeping manners-wise, your heart already knows - it's all covered by the golden rule.

Amanda said...

You know what's nice about being a grown-up? You get to do what you want to do. If "C&L" looks nicer to you than "L&C," and if aesthetics are more important to you than etiquette, go for it. And soon it will be over and you will be eating ROOM SERVICE in FRANCE and having amazing honeymoon sex.

You've likely already seen it, but Meg has a good post about this here:

Jennie said...

You are clearly going to HELL for not wanting to navigate the horrid waters of outdated etiquette!

Laura said...

Check this out-- of Thoughtful Day, a blogland star and stationer, did "Patrick & Erica" for HER wedding. Hmm.

Amanda, I was going off Meg's rules when I addressed them because my feminist self didn't respond well to Mrs. John Doe. So thank you for the validation! I am happy with my decision. And now they are MAILED.

Traci said...

Can I get a WOOT WOOT for your update paragraph? Totally.

Wedding etiquette can suck it. As long as you make sure YOU and your guests are happy and eating and imbibing and dancing and enjoying themselves, then not a damn other thing really matters.

Also, 99.9% of people don't know the intricate minutia of proper envelope addressing. I researched it (then promptly disregarded it), and I didn't know some of what was in your post. If our invite comes addressed to "Hey, You Two" I'm cool.

LBL said...

What? No inner envelope? My God!

Honestly though, I have to say that one of the coolest and most memorable wedding invites I've ever received was a postcard. The bride was a graphic designer and did an amazing job. So sometimes breaking the rules is a good thing.

btw, I totally hate the Mr. and Mrs. John Doe thing. HATE IT. I'm a person too, you know! And I have a perfectly lovely first name.