Wow.

My ancient phone's camera doesn't work so I couldn't take a picture, although I did try, but last night on the subway I saw a girl--a totally normal, nice-looking non-slutty girl with nice highlights, nice eye-glasses, a nice figure--in the nuttiest outfit.

She had on a navy blue pin-striped suit--but it was a shorts suit. As in, the jacket had cap sleeves (which can be cute) and the pants ... WERE SHORTS. I think they were supposed to be Bermuda shorts--aka, they should have come to her knees--but she was wearing them in a size that, while the next size up probably would have been too big for her, was small enough that the legs ended mid-thigh and when she turned around you could see that the pants were squeezing into her butt crack. (Ew, I hate that. That's why my pants are usually too big in the butt, to avoid that very problem.)

But that's not all!

Under the shorts she was wearing brown lace tights--but the lace was so spacey / far apart (do you know what I mean? It was a wide lace) that it looked like she had brown spiderwebs on her legs.

And on her feet she was wearing cherry red patent leather pointy toe wedge shoes.

Now, I'm all about funky fashion and crazy outfits and dressing to please yourself, but this just made me stare because it wasn't fashion forward--she was embracing six trends at once and doing all of them wrong.

(1) It's fall weather here, folks. The time for shorts is over.
(2) You walk a dangerous line wearing lace with pin-stripes. Also, this season it's all about navy and black--not navy and brown.
(3) Speaking of lace, get a bigger pair of tights so that you see more of the tights than the skin. Not to mention, if you are going to wear tights with shorts at all (a look even Keira Knightley has trouble pulling off) they should be opaque.
(4) Cap sleeve jackets are cute, but you have to balance out their effect by not wearing another childish piece of clothing on the bottom.
(5) And if you are going to wear shorts with your suit, they need to come down to your knee! It's just not professional! Especially over hooker tights and shoes!
(6) Speaking of shoes. Red = cute. Pointy toe = cute. Patent leather = cute, and in for fall. Wedge = this summer's trend shoe. Pointy toe AND patent leather? WEIRD. Pointy toe AND wedge? WEIRD. Wedge AND patent leather? WEIRD. Red on top of all that? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Usually when I observe other people's outfits it's in an appreciative way; for instance, this morning I saw a girl wearing a grey and yellow vest over a white and yellow tee and a white skirt, and champagne sandals, and she looked totally casual and effortless and great. But last night when I was sitting on the F train all I could think was, "I can't wait to post about this!"